No Control

Writing is the weirdest thing for me. I never seem like I have any control over it. I do not get to decide what I write. My characters only show up when they want to and they tell their stories on their own time. I am just the vessel that the muses use. I don’t always know when a story is ready to be told ahead of time.

Most writers will understand what I am talking about. Lately it has been such a source of headaches and stress.

One night I found myself trying to write something the entire day. I wrote many things that I quickly crushed in my hand and tossed them into the trash can. 1…2…3…balls of paper and I was no closer to a story than I was three hours before.

I took a nap. I cleaned the house. I did a load of laundry. I did my hair. I painted my nails.

I tried very hard to come up with a short story for my erotic romance blog. I just couldn’t think of something new and something fresh. I felt like I was in a writing rut.

Weeks went by and my trash can in my bedroom just continued to pile up with wadded pieces of paper discarded sometimes after I had written two or three pages worth

One night I could not sleep. I was feeling down and frustrated. You know how it feels as a writer when you want to write or cannot write and it just eats at you. It pesters you and it is all you can think about.

Suddenly out of nowhere an idea popped in my head. It seemed like a good idea, but so did the other twenty I tried to write. I began by writing down the title. Then I thought of an opening line. I thought about the characters and where I wanted to be and what type of things they would say. Then like magic…they began to tell me their story. I could see a nightclub with dancing and everyone drinking and having a god time. It was as if I was there.

Before I knew it at 2 am I had a pretty good first draft of a story. The next day I had another story.

This writing lifestyle is crazy. I sometimes have no control.anxiety 1

4 thoughts on “No Control

  1. Well said. I think the important part is that when inspiration hits—you have to get it on paper or it will disappear. Sometimes I think I’ll remember something that comes to me out of the blue, but within an hour I’ve lost it unless I write it down.

  2. This is exactly how the last week has been for me Donnee. Although I rarely write on paper any more. I do start pages but lately I’ve kept them. So even if it is only an idea or part of an idea. I save it under WIP (Works in Progress). Sometimes those little kernels come back in other ways. So maybe making a pile of all the paper will someday be a story… of some sort.

  3. Oh, I know the feeling of it just not being there. Of writing something that feels like zilch when you see it on paper or on the screen. I usually keep that stuff anyway instead of crumpling it up and tossing it. You never know when a crumb of an idea for something else can come from a “nothing” piece.

    I do write on paper a lot. I like the feel of a pen or pencil in my hand and the movement across the page. Sometimes when I’m stuck, I just go to the computer and start typing with my eyes closed. Sometimes it works! Hugs, xoA

  4. Your mention of the “muses” in the first paragraph immediately reminded me of Stephen Pressfield’s book “The War of Art.” (which is a great read, by the way) He conveys the same ideas you outlined in this post…the same struggles all of us writers have! As frustrating as it is to come down with writer’s block, it is a hundred times more satisfying to break through with something extraordinary…at least for me. Kuddos for sticking with it until you got your story out…that’s what makes a true writer!

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